Tonight (4/18/17), as I was walking home and seconds away from turning the corner onto my block, I saw a young man on the phone; he looked like he had gotten the most devastating news. As he threw himself on the gate I could tell he was hurting from the news, he began folding into himself with tears streamed down his face. I knew I had to say something; I couldn’t just walk away in that all to familiar New Yorker “Let me mind my business” attitude.

His body language screamed defeat. I approached him and asked if he was ok? As he slid down the gate saying, “No! I’m not ok”, I humbled myself and joined him on the sidewalk. I spent the next hour talking to him. He told ME, a complete STRANGER his deepest secrets of trauma and abuse & that he contemplated suicide. I spoke to K* and reassured him that he was brought into this world for a reason. No way did you beat all those sperm cells in that race for you to not think you’re special. The more I spoke to this young man; I realized how smart and gifted he was.

I was blown away as he told me he tried to get help at a mental facility and he felt they didn’t helped him, and released him. I told him that the medical system is fucked up and that, there’s always other places he could get help. I tried to make him see his worth. We talked about numerology, the impact the media has, art, culture shock of moving to a new country, family, the taboo of black people seeking mental health, and most importantly self-love and making time for you and the things you love. I invited him to wait for me in my lobby, as I ran upstairs to use the bathroom. I KNOW I KNOW? You’re probably asking “How could she invite a complete stranger into her building?” At that point I could feel the positive energy and decided to go with my instincts. Before I returned downstairs, I could tell he had been self-medicating so I returned with water, napkins and a banana. I could’ve judged him and looked down on him, But how would that be beneficial to him. If you’re going to make the decision to listen to someone you must be willing to put your feelings to the side, and swallow a piece of humble pie. I was supposed to get home earlier than I did tonight, but a classmate and I got on the wrong train. I was kind of baffled by the train situation. I couldn't comprehend how out of all the times I've taken said train; we would choose this night to go in the wrong direction. Now I see that everything happens, as it should, and that the universe and God are truly amazing. Unfortunately, I had to use the bathroom again, and by the time I returned he was gone. I'm sad because I didn't get to offer him resources, or exchange numbers. I sincerely hope that I made a lasting impression on him, and that he never doubts his self worth again.

I was hesitant in writing this post because I didn’t want to feel like I was exploiting him, but I felt compelled to as a since of release for myself, and encouragement for others. Maybe the next time you see someone in distress, step outside of your comfort zone and ask him or her if they're OK. You never know what impact you'll have on them. Sometimes people just want someone to listen to them. If they don’t let you in, simply say you’re not alone, and keep it moving. No harm no foul.

I’ve recently been introduced to different skill sets to being a counselor, a role we often take on by circumstances, and when dealing with the avoidable Intersectionalities. If you learned anything from my encounter please remember that sympathy and empathy are two different things. I'm forever grateful that I had the trauma, and mental health training because I wouldn't have known how to react, and may have just walked on by. Another important acronym that I learned is A.L.G.E.E.*

A- Assess for risk of suicide or harm

L- Listen nonjudgementally

G- Give reassurance & information

E-Encourage appropriate professional help

E- Encourage self-help & other support strategies