Lately, I’ve started to see a lot of discussion on self-care, from articles, to comic strips, events and workshops. I love it but, hearing it so often I had some questions. What does it really mean? And How does it differ from self-love?
I know what you’re thinking, Berenice the phrase self-care is self-explanatory (no pun intended) . Why question it? But do you really know how to take care of yourself? Contrary to social media Drake wasn't the first one to say "Take Care". New phrase, same goal: Take care of yourself. Question is HOW? I wish self-care 101 was a requirement in school. Honestly I can’t say those long mathematical equations, that are barely etched in my memory would be missed. So if you’ve ever wondered how? Below I'm sharing a bunch of stuff I do to keep mys self-care on fleek.
Clean your space:
The older I get, the more I cherish my living space. One day, I was frustrated walking around my own room, stuff everywhere. The energy in the room felt full, and not full as in you ate a satisfying meal, but full as in you ate a pity meal just so you don't die of hunger. It was a loud and blocked my energy. The mess was an organized one, because I knew were everything was, but nonetheless it was clutter that I MADE. I remember thinking” How are you mad? This is your mess, clean it up!” If you’re feeling uncomfortable check, where you lay your head at. Keep the energy following, make it your safe haven/ and eventually your sanctuary. Maintaining your living space to make YOU comfortable(if you can't feel relax at home in your own room, your journey will be long)
Self-Care is…
Crying… and yes ugly cries count too. Let it out, every now and then, we all need a good cry. Advice: Don’t make the mistake of drinking wine and listening to sad music. I know a 'friend' that did it once, and it was too much. *Inserts ugly cry emoji* , she felt like an actress in a soap opera. ok, ok, it was me! I remember balling so hard and saying to myself “what the fuck?” Not WTF because I was allowing myself to feel, but because I couldn’t believe how little control I had over my emotions that night. So moral of the story is: wine+ scheduled cry session= No bueno.
Practice Mindfulness:
A couple of years ago, I stumbled across a book called "The Art of Communicating” By Thich Nhat Hanh. He writes about being present in the moment, something he calls Mindful Awareness. He refers "Home" as our inner being, the place we should go to for solitude.
What Did I get from the book? Mindful awareness goes beyond being attentive. Have you ever tried to reflect on your day? And that ish was just a blur? Guilty. I’ve learned that staying present in the moment, helps you have a better day. Why? Cause it gives you time to process and b r e a t h e. A chance to go back Home and tap that internal reset button, before things get out of hand. Check it out when you have time. It's such an easy read and a great resource to have on-hand.
Find ways to Decompress:
Listening to music, working out, writing things down on paper, even if you just throw it away after, the point is to get it out. Maintaining your living space to make YOU comfortable.
Tell someone 'No', without feeling guilty.
Ask yourself if you're living to satisfy others. This is one way to never be happy. If you don't want to do something just say so. No need to explain yourself, just say you're not interested. Real friends will understand.
Like Q-Tip once said BREATH and STOP.
If you’re not feeling something, more than likely your gut will tell you. If possible, simply remove yourself from the situation, and get some air. The bathroom is always a great place for a quick reset. Sometimes a breath can save you, from a lot. Make breathing your only focus, and then later make some time to process everything.
Pencil you in:
Committing to things that take care of you. Develop a weekly regime where it’s all about you for an hour, day, etc. Pamper yourself; nails, hair, mustache, shape-up, acupuncture. Binge watch a season of Power or Insecure. Whatever floats your boat. Just do it.
Disconnect:
From social media, TV, or anything that consumes too much of your time. We have a tendency to get caught up in newsfeeds, snaps, stories, tweets, but too much of it can be overwhelming. There's nothing wrong with being on social media, the joy comes from learning to balance it.
Shake it off:
Being a doula entails a lot of heart-work. Hell any profession that requires you to interact with people is work. Those in the social service, health, teaching, and retail fields especially know. You can't let someone's dark cloud hang over your head. You have to let it go, once you're home leave your day at the door. In customer service there's no pre-screening the people we interact with. So we deal with whatever situation is presented. We can however, filter the energy we allow to consume us. I had to stop taking things personally. I’m not saying become a pushover and get disrespected, but learning to shake off BS, will make you more resilient. So Be cool.
Self-care is not anything that makes you feel compromised.
It is about learning how to balance your day-to-day. There aren’t any fancy tools required to take care of you. I’m sorry if you came here looking for that. It took me over 20 years of self-processing to figure out who I am. So be patient with yourself. The gag is: to listen to within, spend time alone, process your emotions. Feel what you have to feel. Don’t ignore the signs of being overwhelmed. I remember being at a workshop one day, and hearing Loretta Ross (look her up she’s dope) say: “ It’s o.k. to let the fire burn out” sometimes we don’t realize we’re burnt out until we hit a wall. Why? Because we’re not processing our emotions. We’re quickly moving through life, without giving US a second thought. So do yourself a favor, STOP and make time for you.